“This is dangerous and so very, very bad.” “But the forbidden element is what you love, isn’t it Janet?” he asked me. All I could do was nod my head and stare into his dark eyes. Derek seemed to be able to read me very well. Everything he said about me was true, and whenever he was able to state facts about me, or my desires and wishes, all I could do was just sit there dumbfounded, wondering whether he was good at guessing, or if he really could read my mind and my darkest, deepest fantasies. “It’s exciting to you, isn’t it?” he continued, watching me intently. From under the table, he started playing footsie with me, which felt incredible. It was such a small and simple thing, yet it made me tingle and buzz all over. “The potential that at any moment we could be caught, it really does something for you. The secretive, clandestine element is something you love and secretly crave.” “Derek,” I said, still trying to fight him and my body’s response. “I know,” he said. “You’re a. I came here about a week later, because Brian was away at a conference. Like I told you, I basically kept to myself the first time.The second time was about three months later. I was crazy with hating myself and not knowing about myself and wanting a woman to love-any woman. I had thoughts of killing myself. (she stops talking and puts her face down into her hands for a moment; I'm tempted to try to comfort her, but I think she just wants to be alone with her thoughts for a moment)Henry, seriously, if you ever told anyone I couldn't forgive you. I couldn't. (she takes a deep breath)Once I was there I tried to act like I was open to people, but I still didn't know what to do. It didn't matter because in a little bit I was picked up by the most amazing woman. No, you wouldn't know her. She just walked up to my table and said, "Hello, I'm Amy." Just like that.No, it's not that Amy. It isn't even her real name. A lot of people still use nyms in here. What? No! She wasn't extreme at all..
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